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Rubbing Barbie's Ass

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Shortly after I moved to Florida, I got a job at a music store. I didn't know a lot of people from my old hometown and had changed quite a bit since I lived there in fourth grade. Unlike many of my old friends, I wasn't into monster truck shows or Copenhagen chewing tobacco. I was kind of on the lookout for a new group of people to hang out with when I met this guy named Mike. He would come into the store a couple of times a week and we'd shoot the shit about music, movies, etc.

Mike was this guy whose old man was a career military officer who had relocated the family from California. Mike had just gotten out of the Navy when I met him. He seemed to know all of the clubs in the area so we decided to go out one night.

In about a week's time, we had gone to every club and bar in Florida. There was this one club we kind of made our home, in an alley in Fort Meyers.  Just picture the cantina scene in Star Wars and you'll have a good idea what this place was like. I don't think I ever went there when there wasn't some kind of a fight that didn't result in the ambulance being called.

One night, "Crazy" Mike as he shall be now be known, and I were drunk at our usual table watching the freaks. In front of us stood a couple who could not have stuck out more. There was this jock-looking guy in an Izod with his Barbie doll-looking girlfriend staring at the people on the floor. "Ken" has his hand on Barbie's ass (which is practically in "Crazy" Mike's face. We're watching him kneed and rub it for about an hour. Finally, Ken stops rubbing and puts his hand at his side.

As soon as he stops, "Crazy" Mike reaches out and takes over where Ken left off! Barbie and Ken are both looking forward in the same direction so neither has any idea that a third party has joined in on the fun. I got kind of nervous at this point (Mike enjoyed hitting jocks almost as much as rubbing their girlfriend's asses) so I got up and got another beer, finishing it on the other side of the bar until "Crazy" Mike finished. 

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