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Dead Possum Blues



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[Dead Possum]
Artist Conception of Possum
(Prior to Explosion)

A roommate of mine told me that he had a friend who was out for a drive in his new pickup one lovely summer night. On a back road, he rolls upon a dead possum. It has been dead for a couple of days in that the gases in its body had expanded, but it hadn't really started to fall apart yet. Without thinking "why" he felt compelled to do the next thing, he went about it with all the skill of a surgeon. This guy pushes in the clutch and delicately rollllllls the front left tire onto the possum. He sits there for a second, rolls down his window and looks out. 

"Wow!" he thinks to himself, "The entire weight of the front portion of my truck is being supported by this dead...." BOOM! Before he can complete the thought, the possum explodes, its intestines shoot across the road, and the thickest, most-vile stench fills the cab of the truck. The guy is coughing, gagging, and trying to roll up his window as he simultaneously tries to restart the stalled engine and drive away. He said it was nothing like he'd ever experienced. The smell was so strong that "you could actually taste it." Anyway, he had to get the underside of the truck professionally chemically cleaned.

 
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All material on Pludie.com is intended for mature audiences only, and for the reader's entertainment only.  We do not recommend taking any action - including and especially (but not limited to) attempting any sort of reenactment - based on any of the situations or information described herein.  Failure to heed this warning may result in: arrest, fines and/or imprisonment; injury, death, or damage to property; illness or infirmity; loss of bowel and/or bladder control; loss of respect in the eyes of employers, coworkers, family, friends, church and/or civic leaders; loss of standing in your community; substantial financial penalty; stern disciplinary action; suspension and/or expulsion; severe tire damage; ...