One Devil's Night, back when we
were in high school, we went out to perform the usual
mischief. In our case, though, it was far from
usual. Soaped windows and shit like that was way too
pedestrian for us. Instead, we would do things like tie a
disposable douche to a string and hang it from a tree branch in
the yard of the neighborhood douchebag.
Another time, we got back at
people in the neighborhood by dipping tampons in ketchup and
flinging them in their mailboxes.
One of my favorites was the creation of the
"Ultra Rude Club." We brought that to a new level with the onset of "Polite
Stealing people's pumpkins from their doorstep around Halloween and
smashing them would get you into the Ultra Rude category. But we did
something a bit more rude - something that fell under the category of
"Polite Rudeness." We stole the pumpkins,
artfully carved them into Jack-o-lanterns and put them back!
One night, we snuck down to the
local grammar school and pasted nudie centerfolds on the outside
classroom windows (facing in, of course). That same night
(I think) we Vaselined and/or peed on various building
We were over somebody's house at
a party one night (in the basement), and had the stereo
going. Someone brought one of those cheesy mic-and-reverb
thingies from the local gadget store, so we put it to good
use. We called the rectory of the local Catholic church
and, once the parish priest was on the line, told him that it
was God calling, and that his body was a temple and there should
be no self-worship.
We used to have "Moon Races" at night where three or
four guys would drop their pants and underwear to their ankles and shuffle across the road as fast as
they could as a car was coming.
It was some time before Halloween
back when we were in high school. I had read in a porn
magazine about a guy who cut open one of those bioluminescent
glowsticks, applied the contents to his peter, and did his Luke
Skywalker "light saber" routine. That gave me an
I had this old "Buck
Rogers" plastic space helmet from when I was a kid. I
glued an untwisted coat hanger (bent to look like antennae) to
the top, then wrapped the whole thing in aluminum foil.
That night, some friends came over to help.
We got a couple of those
glowsticks (the package claimed that they were non-toxic - I
sure as hell hope so!) snapped them, cut them open and emptied
the glowing contents into a paper cup. (That
"snapping" sound, incidentally, is caused by a glass
capsule breaking - which I discovered much to my chagrin, as I
spent some time trying to get the glass shards out of the
glowing goop.) I then stripped to my undershorts, covered
them in aluminum foil, donned the space helmet, and proceeded
(with a little assistance) to cover my exposed skin with the
glow gunk (trying to avoid getting cut from the remaining shards
of glass capsule).
A quick walk through the woods
brought us out to the street, where passing motorists were
treated to the sight of a "glowing humanoid" waving at
them from the side of the road. (A few times, we were
treated to the sound of squealing brakes - at which I would
crouch behind a boulder so they couldn't get a second look to
confirm what they thought they saw.) Since it was late,
the drivers were probably people coming home tired, so we were
really screwing with their minds.
It started getting chilly (I was
in aluminum-clad underwear, remember) so we came home.
While I started cleaning the glow stuff off my body, some
friends noticed there was some left in the paper cup. They
applied it in circles around their eye sockets, then proceeded
up the street to terrorize the neighbors for awhile.
I have a few more:
The neighbor's pond... which has more
stop signs at the bottom of it than the entire town, devilishly stolen at night by us.
Stealing every single pot plant (save one - the smallest
<grin>) at about midnight from a farming neighbor. He was PISSED!
He drove around all morning squealing his tires looking for
"them sons of bitches!"
Getting chased by a state policeman and his dog after attempting to
shoot out the streetlight. We outran both of them!
Planting about 4 M-80's in a neighbor's
driveway lights - ya know, the expensive ones on the poles that are all glass with hinged doors.
Lighting said M-80's. Watching them simultaneously blow out 4 very
Visiting the state park (many, many times), at night (we
walked), stoned, and sneaking up to people's sites and stealing shit.
One time we scored a chain saw!
Surrounding a neighbor's house with 4 people at about 10 pm and at
the signal (a loud whistle or something) we all pounded on the windows,
screaming... then we ran away.