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Night Mischief
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One Devil's Night, back when we were in high school, we went out to perform the usual mischief.  In our case, though, it was far from usual.  Soaped windows and shit like that was way too pedestrian for us.  Instead, we would do things like tie a disposable douche to a string and hang it from a tree branch in the yard of the neighborhood douchebag.

Another time, we got back at people in the neighborhood by dipping tampons in ketchup and flinging them in their mailboxes.


One of my favorites was the creation of the "Ultra Rude Club."  We brought that to a new level with the onset of "Polite Rudeness" ...

Stealing people's pumpkins from their doorstep around Halloween and smashing them would get you into the Ultra Rude category. But we did something a bit more rude - something that fell under the category of "Polite Rudeness."  We stole the pumpkins, artfully carved them into Jack-o-lanterns and put them back!


One night, we snuck down to the local grammar school and pasted nudie centerfolds on the outside classroom windows (facing in, of course).  That same night (I think) we Vaselined and/or peed on various building doorknobs. 


We were over somebody's house at a party one night (in the basement), and had the stereo going.  Someone brought one of those cheesy mic-and-reverb thingies from the local gadget store, so we put it to good use.  We called the rectory of the local Catholic church and, once the parish priest was on the line, told him that it was God calling, and that his body was a temple and there should be no self-worship.


We used to have "Moon Races" at night where three or four guys would drop their pants and underwear to their ankles and shuffle across the road as fast as they could as a car was coming.


It was some time before Halloween back when we were in high school.  I had read in a porn magazine about a guy who cut open one of those bioluminescent glowsticks, applied the contents to his peter, and did his Luke Skywalker "light saber" routine.  That gave me an idea...

I had this old "Buck Rogers" plastic space helmet from when I was a kid.  I glued an untwisted coat hanger (bent to look like antennae) to the top, then wrapped the whole thing in aluminum foil.  That night, some friends came over to help.

We got a couple of those glowsticks (the package claimed that they were non-toxic - I sure as hell hope so!) snapped them, cut them open and emptied the glowing contents into a paper cup.  (That "snapping" sound, incidentally, is caused by a glass capsule breaking - which I discovered much to my chagrin, as I spent some time trying to get the glass shards out of the glowing goop.)  I then stripped to my undershorts, covered them in aluminum foil, donned the space helmet, and proceeded (with a little assistance) to cover my exposed skin with the glow gunk (trying to avoid getting cut from the remaining shards of glass capsule).

A quick walk through the woods brought us out to the street, where passing motorists were treated to the sight of a "glowing humanoid" waving at them from the side of the road. (A few times, we were treated to the sound of squealing brakes - at which I would crouch behind a boulder so they couldn't get a second look to confirm what they thought they saw.)  Since it was late, the drivers were probably people coming home tired, so we were really screwing with their minds.

It started getting chilly (I was in aluminum-clad underwear, remember) so we came home.  While I started cleaning the glow stuff off my body, some friends noticed there was some left in the paper cup.  They applied it in circles around their eye sockets, then proceeded up the street to terrorize the neighbors for awhile.


I have a few more:

  • The neighbor's pond...  which has more stop signs at the bottom of it than the entire town, devilishly stolen at night by us.

  • Stealing every single pot plant (save one - the smallest <grin>) at about midnight from a farming neighbor. He was PISSED!  He drove around all morning squealing his tires looking for "them sons of bitches!"

  • Getting chased by a state policeman and his dog after attempting to shoot out the streetlight. We outran both of them!

  • Planting about 4 M-80's in a neighbor's driveway lights - ya know, the expensive ones on the poles that are all glass with hinged doors.  Lighting said M-80's. Watching them simultaneously blow out 4 very expensive lights!

  • Visiting the state park (many, many times), at night (we walked), stoned, and sneaking up to people's sites and stealing shit.  One time we scored a chain saw!

  • Surrounding a neighbor's house with 4 people at about 10 pm and at the signal (a loud whistle or something) we all pounded on the windows, screaming... then we ran away.

  
 
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