There was some sort of dance for the local service club my father belonged
to (and their spouses, girlfriends, etc.) held in the school cafeteria.
Both my parents ended up attending - and I was drafted to work at it. I
ended up being in charge of the food, which involved a rather large 8 foot
I remember, although it has nothing to do with the story, some absolutely
incredible looking blonde (damn she had a body on her!) - dumber than any
stump I've ever come across! Throw a couple drinks in her, crank up the
tunes and she was better than the $0.25 pony ride at Kmart!
If she didn't end up sucking somebody's cock that night, I'd be surprised.
She was just about the dumbest broad I've ever seen. She took this can of spray
string, drunk off her ass, and her first squirt of the stuff landed, and
bonded to someone's eye. I nearly fell over laughing!
It went like this:
"Oh a can of spray string!"
*** Ssssssshhhhhhpppplllleeeetttt ***
"OooooooooWWWWwwwwww my EYE!"
Whoever it was was runnin' around like a nutcase with this silly string
attached and hanging from their eye! I was peeing my pants!
Anyway, a friend of mine shows up - he and I were known to be
troublemakers together... <grin>
We were soon bored with the food and the drunk blonde, so we retired to
checking out the school lunchlady's kitchen, which was unlocked for the use
of the club to store cups, etc. The first thing we noticed was that the
container that held all the snacks was not locked up but was just
innocently sitting there on top of a cabinet or refrigerator (well, it was
atop something). Nothing a chair couldn't fix. Before you know it, we
snarfed down all the snacks. Ooops. But hey, they did leave them out
for us to eat, right? If they didn't want us to eat them, they would've
locked em up!
So then, trying to keep the boredom from settling in, we notice the
Monday's menu - it was one of those signs that had plastic letters on it
that stuck into the grooves. You could rearrange the letters each day to
make up a new daily menu. Weeeeeelllll, isn't this special?
Hmmmm. <evil grin> Monday's menu was about to change in a bad, bad way.
Needless to say, we rearranged the letters to create an interesting
Monday lunch menu, headed "This School Lunch Sucks." The exact words
escape me, but I will say that it looked damn nice on the photocopy I was
shown on Monday morning in the Principal's office! I don't think we put
anything too vulgar on it (like I would in this day and age <grin>).
I think the menu has items on it like:
"Day Old Pizza"
"Ground Rat Burgers"
You get the idea...