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Four of us were living in an apartment on the third floor of our building about ten years ago in Orlando. Three of the four of us worked at one of the major theme parks there; they gave every employee a free turkey for Thanksgiving. We had no idea what to do with them, so they sat in the freezer until we moved, about a year and a half later.

We're cleaning everything out when someone comes across the frozen carcasses and asks what we should do with them. We were just about finished moving out and ready to leave for the last time when one of us (can't remember who) came up with the idea of seeing who could throw a turkey the farthest off the balcony into the parking lot.

Each of us held a turkey under our chin with one hand, got a running start in the kitchen and straight out the sliding glass doors onto the balcony where we threw the frozen bird with all of our might. Each bird made kind of a sickening "THOCK!" when they hit the pavement. I think that one of the guys dropped his and got to have a "do-over."

When we were done with them, we couldn't just throw them out. We had to do something that would remind people that we were once residents of the complex. Around the perimeter of the parking lot was a ten foot wide grassy area with some small shrubs. We placed a turkey on each side of the parking lot and let them putrefy in the hot, humid July sun. We had friends who still lived in the complex and they reported something with the odor of a decaying corpse for about a week outside of their building. Needless to say, we were quite proud that the meat did not go to waste.

Some number of holiday seasons back, my cousin (he of the cat we peed on) received a turkey from his then-employer. At the time, he was living in a rented house with some roommates on the other side of town from us.  Also not knowing what to do with the thing (and not considering it much of a priority), he tosses it in the back of his pickup, figuring once he got home, he'd take it in or do SOMETHING with it.

Thing is, by the time he gets home (and to copious beer, most likely), he forgets about it.  Next day, he gets up, goes to work, still forgetting about the turkey in the back of the truck.  This scene repeats itself... for several MONTHS.  With the cold weather, the thing kept "reasonably" well - I don't think he noticed the smell until sometime that Spring.  We dubbed it his "solar turkey."


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