Employee of the Year

When I was in college, I worked at a music store. We couldn't stand our boss and used to try to come up with all kinds of nasty stuff. She was crazy enough to trust my friend, Mark, and I to close up the store. Below, I have listed some of the things that happened "beyond our control," of course:

• Peeing on the carpet in the middle of the store

• Peeing on the Christmas tree while it was in storage

• Peeing in the manager's file cabinet

• Peeing under the manager's desk (we saved all day for that and took a lot of vitamin C in order to lend a more pleasant aroma - it smelled like rotten tuna the next morning)

• Putting cigarette ashes in her phone receiver

• Placing fresh raccoon droppings in the tiles above her desk

• Playing Frank Zappa's "Titties and Beer" during business hours

• Pranking other stores in the mall

• Getting the old lady in the mall office to announce that Mike Hunt had a call at the information desk

and...

• Changing around the keys on the cash register so that none of them did what they were supposed to do.