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The scene: a dank icon-clad church, fuming with incense; a tall, baritone priest, his long beard flowing; a robe-adorned choir; and, of course, a young, nubile initiate, her ample buttocks bared.  The priest speaks:

Priest [solemnly]: Ana!

Girl: Yes, Father?

Priest: Are you ready to receive the sacrament?

[She farts loudly]

Priest [surprise; grins]: I guess she is!

Choir [commencing to sing]:

Anal Badum Ultimatum!
(To the tune of Tantum Ergo Sacramentum by Thomas Aquinas)

Anal Badum Ultimatum!
Phonus bonus passum now!
Rhectal rhumpus superhumpus,
Anus dildus humpum how?
Anal Badum rhectal gradeum,
Greco greaseum, rhumpum plow!

Anal Badum rhectal rateum,
Greco bonus rubbum thin.
Greaseum, slideum, makeum wideum,
Pushum, thrustum, shoveum in.
Anal Badum, Greekum Maidum,
Rhumpus pumpus, dumpus, grin!

Rhectal Badum, rhectal Badum,
Cytoplasum oozum out.
Ex post phacto, passum gasso,
Altum bonus makeum pout.
Ex post Badum, Anal Badum,
Phinal dictum, humpum snout!


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