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CAUTION: Peckertracks on Toilet Paper
You, too, can own some
of these lovely stickers!

I am a huge fan of bathroom literature and bathroom art. You know those telephone numbers you always see on the walls? I call those numbers just to see if what it says about the person is true.

Most of the numbers on the walls are pager numbers. Normally, I page them to the local F.B.I. office or the vice squad.  I get a big laugh out of doing this, unfortunately I don't get to hear the outcome.

I wanted to update you on my bathroom phone number calling spree. I saw a new number the other day in the Sears mens room and called it on my cell.

I talked like Butthead the whole time and the guy didn't even think it was strange. I guess if you're weird enough to put your number on a public restroom wall while trolling for penis, a guy with a voice like Butthead might kind of be a turn on. I actually had to cut the call short and hang up because I started laughing.

I was at one of the local bar hangouts one weekend, sporting a nice buzz. I had to take a wicked piss, so I find my way to the Men's room and start wizzin' into the urinal. I look up and begin to read the wall out of boredom. There, right in front of me, is the condom machine. 

It's always been there as long as I've been a patron of the bar. But someone had scribbled something new right above the chute where the condoms come out. I lean in a bit (still wizzin') to read it:

"This gum is too chewy"

I was laughing so hard piss was flying everywhere but in the urinal!!!

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All material on is intended for mature audiences only, and for the reader's entertainment only.  We do not recommend taking any action - including and especially (but not limited to) attempting any sort of reenactment - based on any of the situations or information described herein.  Failure to heed this warning may result in: arrest, fines and/or imprisonment; injury, death, or damage to property; illness or infirmity; loss of bowel and/or bladder control; loss of respect in the eyes of employers, coworkers, family, friends, church and/or civic leaders; loss of standing in your community; substantial financial penalty; stern disciplinary action; suspension and/or expulsion; severe tire damage; ...