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Roadkill Shish Kebabs



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One evening during my teenage years a group of friends and I were tooling around town in his "Dukes of Hazzard" car, looking for something to do that involved drinking.  Okay, so we were looking for a party. We had a cooler full of ice and grain.  We cleaned out the cooler and dumped some clear (lemme stress that again, clear) alcohol (grain this time) right into the cooler (that's right, no container necessary). Then we dumped in some ice and a dozen or so iced tea bottles (full, of course).

We hung out at a local park, drinking the iced tea out of plastic cups, mixing in the grain with the tea. We were getting quite toasted. Eventually a cop showed up. He demanded to know what was in the cooler. We said, "Just iced tea sir."  We even opened up the cooler and showed him. Hehehe... Little did he know the ordinary looking ice water was actually our alcohol and in it was swimming our decoy iced tea bottles!  PERFECT!  He nodded and said, "Ok. You guys can't hang around here. You'll have to leave."  Okay, occifer, we'll leave. <grin>

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The night continued.

We drove around and around. Someone stated, "Damn, I wish we could find a party!" A moment later we look up and this sign is posted to a telephone pole, almost angelic in nature, "The Party is Here" with an arrow pointing up a side street. Cha Ching! 

We follow the signs up a street, littered with all sorts of expensive cars.  There were Beemers, Cadillacs, Corvettes, Mercedes, Jaguars, etc. all up and down the entire street.  Obviously we didn't fit in, but what the hell, a party is a party, right?!!!  We parallel parked between two luxury cars and had a couple smokes.  No one wanted to go "check out" the party. 

Finally my friend and I said we would go check it out.  We climbed out of the car and briskly walked up to the house and around to the back to scope it out. There were tons of people, mostly adults, partying their ass off!  There were some young chicks as well, looking quite delicious.  And best of all, I spied a couple kegs of beer on the far wall!  Okay, party good. Party really good!

We ran back to the car to grab our other friends and snuck back up again (which really didn't make any sense since we already ran down the driveway!)  And as easy as 1, 2, 4 (just kidding) we just slipped into the crowd on the side.  Bam.  I just started talking to some guys (Giovanni, Andre and Massud - I'll never forget those names).  I made it a point to remember those names.  They were Brazilian people (matter of fact, most of the people were Brazilian) and didn't speak very good English.  Anyway, we chatted for a while and we became known.  Part two of the plan was on its way now.

Now that I have some names, we slide in further, only to be greeted by the owner who asked us who we were and why we were there.  (We obviously didn't look like we belonged.)  I simply stated we were friends of Giovanni, Andre and Massud.  She looked quizzically at me for a bit, then shifted her gaze over to those three who acknowledged with a head nod that they knew us.  Bingo!  We're IN!!!

Seconds later the owner (a lady, by the way) showed us around the entire party, introducing us to everyone, and pointing out where the food and the kegs were. There were all sorts of Brazilian food platters everywhere. Spicy rice and beef, chicken, ...   And then, the main delicacy: venison shish kebabs!  Whoa!  Venison???  WOW!!!

Next we were shown into her house and were given a tour of the place that ended at the built in Bar. She told us to help ourselves to any of the food, beer and liquor. 

We painted the place with charm and were an instant hit. Before long we were dancing with the young ladies!  Oh boy, this doesn't get any better! We continued the evening of dancing, drinking and eating the fine venison shish kebabs!  We had more beer, liquor, food and women than we've ever had in our lives!!!  What a perfect evening!  What a fuckin' PARTY!!!

It was finally late in the evening (or early in the morning), the party was winding down and we decided to leave. We bid our farewells to the ladies and to everyone else at the party and began to leave, when the owner came up to us and said, "Oh, I forgot to collect the $30 from each of you.  Everyone donated $30 for the alcohol, beer and food."

We looked back and forth at each other and I nonchalantly said, "Oh yeah. I forgot about that too.  I was wondering if you needed any contributions. We have our wallets in the car.  We'll be right back, okay?" She nodded okay and went back into the house.

We strolled back to the car, hopped in and took off like a bat outta hell!

To add insult to injury, one of the guys jokingly said, "Hey, sideswipe that last car - I hate Jaguars."

And... he did.

My head fell in my lap in disbelief.

"What the fuck did you go and do that for!!!"

"He told me to."

I just shook my head praying that the cops weren't on their way. 

They weren't. At least not by the time we arrived home.

A few weeks later, another friend of mine, who wasn't present at our party handed my a newspaper clipping:

"Brazilian Party Big Hit in Town"

Wow! I was there!  I was at that party!  I read all about the party.  Apparently it was a Brazilian Festival held each year at a different relative's house. Some years it was in Brazil, other years in the U.S. It also went on to glorify the exquisite authentic Brazilian cuisine found at the party and accented the venison shish kebabs made with a roadkill deer found early that same morning.  And it went on to explain...  WAIT A MINUTE!!  ROADKILL!!!!????  I ATE ROADKILL!!!!???

My friend was peeing in his pants as my eyes turned to saucers!

"I can't believe I ate roadkill.  But you know what?  It was damned good roadkill!"

 
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