Pludie - "Provisioning Charcuterie Chicanery Since 2001"

Waiting for Thome Friendth

What's Cookin'...
Pumpkin Pumpin'
Horse Balls
Rubbing Barbie's Ass
Pig Rodeo
Hot Tub Humpers
Rubbing Dick
The Neverpass
Turkey Toss
Childhood Musings
Night Mischief
This School Lunch Sucks
Me and My Peehole
Pludie To-Do List
Pludie's Poetry Corner

Pludie Gear
Pludie Mail

Pludie Archives

I got a call from an old friend from school and she said that she had a story for me.

She and her fiancé were at a restaurant the other night.  She went to the front to get a drink from the bar while they waited for their table.  At the bar was this guy who was 6'4" tall and about 350 pounds - one hundred of that was in his gut and another hundred in his ass.  He had shoulder length hair which was parted in the middle and feathered on both sides and was wearing a tight green shirt with bright blue Jordache jeans and a pair of those big old Jewish lady from Miami sunglasses.  He was holding a stack of local "alternative" newspapers and asking the bartender where she wanted him to put them.

In a very effeminate voice, he said "I'm thupposed to deliver theth and I don't know where to put them."  The bartender rolled her eyes and told him that she didn't know either, so he said, "I'm waiting for thome friendth tho I'll justht walk around and you can let me know when you find out."

My friend goes back to find her fiancé who is now seated.  While they wait to order, the guy walks by them about five times - still holding the stack of papers and is looking around for his "friendth."  After he passes for the fifth time, my friend's fiancé dabs a bit of sour cream on the side of his mouth and says to him, "Here I am!"

A few minutes later, her fiancé stares straight past her and says, completely deadpan, "His friends are here."  She says "How do you kno---" Just then, the guy walks by followed by two obviously gay midget men (one with a bleached blonde pixie cut and the other a weight lifter in his gym clothes) and a "huge fucking bull dyke."

My friend's fiancé just stares straight at her with the deadpan look on his face, this only makes things worse.  She knows that she can't laugh because it's way two obvious what you're laughing about when two gay midgets walk past you.  She said, "You ever laugh so hard that you cry?  Well, I skipped the whole laughing part and just burst into tears.  They're streaming down my face and I'm stuffing a napkin into my mouth so I don't make any odd noises."

Her fiancé continues to stare at her the whole time trying to make her crack.  He does not succeed.  She said that she got into the car and the first thing she said was she had to call me.  "His reaction is going to be, 'That's fucking awesome!'"

It was.


Copyright © 2001-2006 The People of Pludie
(Each author retains copyright of original works, presented here by permission)
All rights reserved - No copying, reposting or redistributing without prior express written permission of original author.  Violators will be given such a pinch!
All material on is intended for mature audiences only, and for the reader's entertainment only.  We do not recommend taking any action - including and especially (but not limited to) attempting any sort of reenactment - based on any of the situations or information described herein.  Failure to heed this warning may result in: arrest, fines and/or imprisonment; injury, death, or damage to property; illness or infirmity; loss of bowel and/or bladder control; loss of respect in the eyes of employers, coworkers, family, friends, church and/or civic leaders; loss of standing in your community; substantial financial penalty; stern disciplinary action; suspension and/or expulsion; severe tire damage; ...